Hi, My Name Is

So here I am in blog world. I've never been a blogger, but I've lurked and anonymously followed other blogs for several months. I'm not one who usually makes New Year's resolutions - it just seems like setting myself up for failure. But this year, I've made a promise to myself (still don't like to use the "R" word - since I've never kept any resolution I've ever made, and these are promises I want to keep!). I've promised myself that I'll spend more time making myself happy.

Vague, right? Well... sort of. 2010 was a bit of a tumultuous year for me. It started with me being miserable in a horrible job situation that I just couldn't make myself give up on. It's a long story, but the short of it is that I had what I had, at one time, thought was going to be the job I thought I could have forever.. and it all went to hell. I fought it for a long time. I think it was one of those situations where I had to reach my own personal breaking point. I put up with a lot of shit and was generally a miserable person, until I finally decided to do something about it in June. I had a great opportunity for a new job land in my lap, and I went for it. It has been the best move I could have made. I'm so happy with my work situation now, and I"m confident that I did the right thing.

I've dealt with illness in my family this year. My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She's my only living grandmother and though I know she's not getting any younger, I wasn't ready to deal with the possibility of losing her yet. After a month of worrying, hoping, and praying, she had surgery... and we were told it wasn't cancer at all, but a benign tumor. I'm angry that they would throw the "C" word around and scare us all to death... but so grateful that my time with her isn't coming to an end!

Throughout all of the shit I've dealt with, I've gained weight. This has been a steady thing for the last couple of years, but I've gained more weight this year than in the last couple of years. I stepped on the scale last week and couldn't believe the number. I'm at my heaviest. And while I don't expect to ever be a size 6 again, it would be nice if I could get myself back to being healthy.

2010 wasn't a totally miserable year though. My husband and I enjoyed our second year in our dream house, bought an old Mustang to restore (a dream of my husband, J, for a lot time!) and celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. The only thing that could make our happiness complete on the home front is to finally become parents. This time last year, I threw out my BCPs. But so far, we haven't had any luck getting pregnant. More on that in later posts.

SO! I realize that no one will probably care or want to read any of my ramblings, but I've decided to start this blog to keep track of myself for the next year, and hopefully hold myself accountable to the promises I've made myself. So here's to the beginning of my journey!